Even though it seems like a fundamental human right, many people struggle to have compassion for themselves when times are rough.
Why? Because you are usually your own worst critic. Although you may appear to understand the advantages of self-compassion, a small voice in your head begs you not to indulge yourself because doing so will only lead to mediocrity.
The fact is that practicing self-compassion can help you overcome any obstacle or rut you may be facing, including mediocrity. You can move forward with a new sense of self-esteem once you start to be kinder to yourself.
Self-compassion, according to Dr. Kristen Neff, assistant professor of psychology and a pioneer in the subject: consists of three essential components:
1. Kindness to Oneself vs. Self-Judgement
There will be times in life when things don’t go our way, and you can fail or miss the boat. Focusing on oneself with kindness rather than self-judgement is the first component of self-compassion.
When we fall short of becoming a flawless human, it’s all too simple to criticize ourselves. Most of the time, you would never criticize a friend, relative, or workmate as brutally as you criticize yourself for having inherent human flaws.
When you have self-compassion, you accept that you are flawed and that failure and difficulty in life are inevitable and not anything you should be embarrassed of.
Greater emotional equanimity is felt when this reality is embraced with compassion and love, according to Dr. Neff.
2. Isolation versus Common Humanity
When we feel inadequate, our minds often convince us that we’re the only ones who suffer and that other people are better equipped to deal with the difficulties of life. This makes us feel alone because we believe that the sorrow we experience is unique to us and unrelated to the majority of the people in our lives.
The fact is that everyone has experienced pain and a sense of inadequacy. There is not a single person on the globe who hasn’t experienced feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, or lack of worth at some point in their lives.
When you can fully comprehend and take in this truth, you’ll realize that pain is something that we all go through together rather than being an experience that’s yours alone. Camaraderie in your pain makes it less personal and takes away a great deal of its power.
