I’m heartbroken by the news of Britney Spears’ miscarriage. Considering that I rejoiced with her when I saw her early pregnancy announcement and that I now mourn with her after a miscarriage.
My reaction upon reading her words, “Maybe we should have waited till we were farther along…,” is this: No. She followed her instincts and accomplished it that way. She wanted to inform everyone. She persevered in the face of loss, and I admire her for that.
I am brought back to the manner in which I announced my own pregnancy. I unknowingly succumbed to the quiet culture of withholding information from my family and friends until I was “clear,” which was after the first trimester of pregnancy.
I well recall our discussion about how we would break the news with my spouse. He was deployed overseas, so during one of our phone calls, we both decided to hold off until I was in my second trimester, which is the “safe zone” for pregnancy that is generally accepted. That way, if something were to happen, we wouldn’t have wasted their and our friends’ excitement.
At the time, I was speaking incoherently. Yet I now see that I was contributing to the social expectation that you should wait to disclose your pregnancy. My statement, “Making our family and friends excited for nothing,” struck me with its weight and melancholy.
Because even if you announce when you first find out and your pregnancy ends in loss, you sharing with others was NOT for nothing. It was to share the thrill and the excitement with your loved ones. It was with hope that you would carry full term. It was with the desire to have a community cover you and support you.
I wish I had shared the news with my close circle sooner. Because while I was bubbling with excitement, I was also dealing with the most debilitating fear and anxiety I had ever experienced.
Pregnancy is a vulnerable journey. The truth is, no one knows what is going to happen. But that shouldn’t keep you from sharing. Because the more people you let in, the more people you have to cover and support you… no matter what the outcome is.
